self-love for overwhelm

photography credit Sacha Gregoire @Sacha_Gre_

Janine felt like she was under water. Words went in one ear and out of the other. She couldn’t seem to make simple decisions or finish basic tasks at work or home.

Michael wanted nothing more than to sleep -  even after a restful weekend. He felt like he had a weight keeping him in bed so there he lay, scrolling on his phone. 

Shana was irritable, picking fights with her partner and coworkers about inconsequential things that wouldn’t normally upset her. In the moment, she felt justified but later, guilty and angry at herself for how she communicated.

Janine, Michael, and Shana are all in reasonably good physical and emotional health. There is no underlying diagnosis or condition that explains the intensity of their reactions. What they share is the experience of carrying more stress than they can realistically manage. It’s as though each of them is trying to contain their stress in a thimble when they need a pitcher. 

Do you resonate with the experience of being irritated, fatigued or submerged at times of intense stress? I definitely do! Through awareness and practice, I've become more attuned to listening to the early cues of overwhelm so that I can redirect myself and my clients to a place of calm and clarity. My hope is that information, reflective prompts, and the guided visualization exercise I am sharing today support your learning about overwhelm.

The natural experience of overwhelm is a result of the sympathetic nervous system sending a message that we are over-capacity. The system lets us know our functioning is compromised and at-risk of harm. In this context, feeling overwhelmed is a (being generous here!) helpful response to reaching our personal limits. We all have limits, and our capacity is not fixed - it shifts depending on where we are in our lives and how much we're holding at a given time.

In her visually and emotionally beautiful book,  “Atlas of the Heart”, Brene Brown emphasizes understanding the difference between stress (manageable pressure) and overwhelm (inability to function). When we can locate ourselves in an overwhelmed state, we are more likely to find helpful responses to manage the overwhelm first.

Reflection: How does mild, moderate and extreme overwhelm show up for you?

Write down your answers in a journal or notes app or share your answers with someone you trust. 

Some examples might include:

• physical discomfort

•  racing or slow (foggy) thoughts

•  constricted or expansive emotions

•  panic attack

•  extreme fatigue  

From a regulated state, we are better able to manage stressors and emotions versus being flooded by them.  In an overwhelmed state, it’s easy to lose our sense of place and direction. The first step of emotional orientation is regulation. Regulating doesn’t change reality, but it can change how we experience it. Our nervous system functions with more capacity (and creativity) when we are operating from a grounded and safe place. From there, we can make intentional choices about how to navigate the terrain. 

Reflection: When you ignore or dismiss overwhelm, what typically happens for you? Identify some of the cues that tell you overwhelm wants your attention. Write these down or share them with a trusted other. 

Some examples might include:

• Irritability

• Avoiding tasks

• Procrastination  

• Mental fog

• Headaches

• Upset stomach

• Emotional spillover

With deeper awareness, we can grow to understand, accept and appreciate the message of overwhelm. 

Geographically, when we get lost, a map is one tool we use to help us find our way.

This guided visualization invites you to imagine your internal emotional landscape with a metaphor of a map, complete with safe passages and visible landmarks so we know where we are, what we’re working with, and where we can go next. Self-love is the navigator, using the map to guide you toward safety and calm.

Reflection: What is one small shift you can try to reduce overwhelm or support yourself when you notice its presence? Consider choosing one to try for a few weeks and make a note of the impact.

Some examples:

• name the emotion(s)

• Pause and take a deep and slow breath

• notice body sensations

• notice your surroundings

• identify what is being activated (threat, grief, exhaustion, hope)

• reset (your own or others) expectations

• seek support from someone you trust

• hold your experience with compassion

Thank you and warm regards,

Stefanie