self-love is...
- Stefanie Robbins
- Feb 14
- 2 min read
Growing up, we had an illustrated book that seemed to hover around the house and, occasionally, I would stumble across it and enjoy it as if I was discovering it for the first time. Each page completed the sentence “Love is…” in a different way (ex. walking hand in hand, sharing your popcorn, mussing someone’s hair). I recently rediscovered this book and it gave me the same sweet and joyful feeling.
The idea that love can take many forms spoke to me as a child and continues to shape my values and how I approach mental wellbeing and healing emotional wounds.
Love and connection are critical to our survival as a social species. Love is like a bonding agent and a significant part of what drives us toward our much-needed connection to others. There are many ways love manifests (i.e. romantic, familial, friendship, spiritual, altruistic) and each type can give us different types of support, meaning, and joy.
Yet, I find that the one area people tend to overlook or give less energy to is Self-Love. I regularly explore this with clients in my therapy practice, encouraging them to challenge their own beliefs and assumptions about self-love. Most often, I hear people respond with some version of intellectual understanding followed by dismissal, laced with reasons that self-love is selfish or indulgent.
I respond to these deflections and arguments with research, metaphors, and reframes. But the strongest argument I can make is what I’ve witnessed in my 18 plus years of being a therapist. I have witnessed self-Love act as a powerful and critical element to inner healing and growth. I have tracked how people who give time, energy and support to themselves are sustained and able to give time, energy, support to others without resentment. What I’ve seen and invite you to consider is that Self-Love matters. Self-love, self-compassion, self-care doesn't just sound nice…it works.
guided worksheet (download)
Investing in and cultivating healthy relationships is key to our well-being. From the Attachment Theory model, we’ve learned that when people experience secure love and attachment, they can better able to regulate their emotions and are more willing to take healthy risks. By treating yourself with love and respect, you build emotional safety from within, and you are more sustained and available for others.
In practical terms, self-love might look like:
Recognizing your needs without guilt
Setting boundaries even when it feels uncomfortable
Speaking to yourself with kindness instead of criticism
Allowing yourself rest, joy, and wonder
Accepting that growth often involves uncertainty
Protecting yourself without closing your heart
Self-love doesn’t eliminate difficulty or pain, but it makes navigating life more manageable.
The biggest gift from the illustrated book by Schulz wasn't the answers it provided but that it invited exploration. In that spirit, this month, why not allow Self-love the space it needs for ongoing exploration too? I’ve attached guided worksheets for you to explore what “Self-Love Is… and most importantly. I encourage you to take what’s helpful from this post and adapt it to fit what works best for you.
With Care,
Stefanie
