Where the path of anger leads (hint: unmet needs)
- Stefanie Robbins
- Jul 15
- 3 min read
One of the joys of living so close to nature in the Pacific Northwest is easy access to a visual wonderland of green. A short walk around the neighborhood or a winding hike in the Cascades can lead to the most nourishing visual and sensory experiences one could wish for.
Fun fact: Green is the color with the most gradations that a human eye can distinguish. Spend just a small amount of time paying attention to the various shades of green wherever you are and see for yourself…the way the light touches a blue spruce or a ponderosa pine, soft green moss that looks and feels like a blanket, fiddlehead ferns with hints of chartreuse, or the pale winter green of lichen hanging from a branch. And hidden or nestled beside a bounty of emerald, you might notice a pop of pink or golden yellow flowers, catch the scent of lavender or pine, and (if you’re lucky) get a taste of a sweet ripe raspberry.
Like the many shades of green, our emotions are nuanced and have gradations of intensity. Anger, for example, can range from mild annoyance to intense, full-blown rage. At any hue, anger is often felt as an immediate, reactive energy, propelling us to take action. Anger is often the first emotion to arrive when we are triggered by any kind of emotional, psychological or physical harm.
If we have the tools and capacity to manage our anger (for example: we can notice or soothe the discomfort of this energetic feeling, give ourselves a 'time-out', talk it out with someone we trust or journaling) we might notice subtler emotions behind the immediacy of anger. These tend to be more vulnerable emotions like sadness, disappointment, grief, fear, or shame. Anger is a protective emotion, so the ones hiding behind anger tend to be those that don't guard us as well or in the same protective way that anger might. Whatever emotions you notice, at whatever level of intensity you experience them, remember that these too are just as normal and natural as the spectrum of green on a northwest path.
If you choose stay on the path a bit longer, allowing those more vulnerable emotions to surface, you are likely to discover another significant view. In my clinical experience and understanding of existing research, the path of anger leads directly to unmet needs. Just as some hikes are long and hard but worth the pay-off (see: waterfall! vista! alpine lake!), so too is the satisfying reward for working through emotional discomfort of anger. Unmet needs are universal needs we all hold as human beings. Anger is an understandable emotional response to these needs not getting met. Once you identify the unmet need behind underneath the emotions, you can make an informed choice about how you might meet that need, grieve that need, or take some small action to honor your need without causing harm to yourself or others.
Here are some examples of universal psychological needs:
The need to be safe.
The need to be valued.
The need to be cared for.
The need to be loved.
The need to be prioritized.
The need to be believed.
The need to be heard.
The need to be secure.
The need to be respected.
The need to grow.
The need to belong.
The need to be free.
The need to…
The theory around the Hierarchy of Needs was developed and popularized by Abraham Maslow in the 1940’s. There is a rich and continually emerging body of research and practical application around needs. Some of the places I find these concepts to be most accessible include:
As always, take what feels resonant for you from this post. Follow your heart path and see where it leads. You are the expert of your own experience. Wishing you a verdant day!
Stefanie
